


A Game of Rivalry

by Spaceytrash



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Human Aziraphale (Good Omens), Human Crowley (Good Omens), Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Press and Tabloids, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-09-06 06:11:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20286706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spaceytrash/pseuds/Spaceytrash
Summary: Aziraphale Seraph and Anthony Crowley are both CEOs of their respective tech companies, with an age long rivalry to boot. At least that’s what the media thought. In reality their rivalry was nothing more than a game but what happens if the press finds out about that?





	1. The Beginning

_ Chapter 1: _

_ “So, since your app ‘You’re my best plant’ has taken off and got downloaded a fantastic 1 million times in 2 days, what would you tell other app creators that are just getting into the business, Mr. Crowley?” “Please Anette call me Anthony, Mr. Crowley makes me feel so old. And honestly the only advice I have for newcomers is: Don’t give up and possibly get involved into the whole programming business. Don’t let your ideas rest on other people’s expertise. It only leads to problems. Just look at my competitor’s Aziraphale Seraph’s new app. It crashes all the time and he doesn’t even have a clue how to handle his own smartphone.” “Now that you’re mentioning your fellow tech firm CEO. You have quite the rivalry going on, haven’t you?” “You could say that-“ _

The television turned black and a blonde man, who was wearing a light blue dress shirt and beige suit trousers with braces hanging downwards, sighed.

“Now dear, was that really necessary?” he asked and looked at his companion, who was sitting right next to him with one arm around the blonde’s shoulders. He was wearing a bespoke black suit, that fit his thin frame like a second skin, and had some steampunk looking but still fashionable sunglasses on his face. It was the same man that had been giving the interview in the television.

“I was just giving them what they wanted. You know that the media just loves our ‘rivalry’, Zira”, he answered with a smirk on his face and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. His hand on Aziraphale’s shoulder drew some kind of pattern and he pulled him a little closer to kiss his neck.

Aziraphale pushed Crowley softly away. “Stop that,” he murmured aghast, yet the soft blush on his cheeks made it clear, that he actually rather enjoyed it. “You’re the worst”, he grumbled but cuddled closer to his friend immediately afterwards.

Crowley made an appreciative sound. “We could always just tell them about us, but where is the fun in that? I rather like our secret Romeo and Juliet love story,” he chuckled, “You’d be Juliet of course”

“You were the one with long hair once, my dear. If anyone is Juliet then it would be you,” retorted the blonde and pulled the other’s face towards him for a kiss. “Let’s go to bed,” he whispered into Crowley’s ear with the full intention of doing everything but sleep in the bed.

* * *

It was a rather nice afternoon, not that Crowley knew, seeing as he had been stuck in his office for the whole day. Paperwork was the worst and the demon who invented it should get a commendation. He let out a sigh when he looked at the pile of files he still had to go through. Well a short break hadn’t hurt anyone yet and who knows he might be a bit more productive afterwards. Stretching leisurely on his chair, he pulled out his phone.

> **To Angel:**
> 
> Hey beautiful. What r u doing? : )
> 
> xx

> **To Dearest:**
> 
> I’m working through the notes on the performance issue. I’m guessing you are doing paperwork too? Also, could you please type normally, my dear? You know how these abbreviations confuse me.

> **To Angel:**
> 
> How did u know?
> 
> No, it’s more fun that way. Espclly bcs it confuses u. : P
> 
> Do u want 2 take a coffee break with me?
> 
> xx

> **To Dearest:**
> 
> You are incorrigible.
> 
> Yes, I think a short break would do wonders to my productivity.
> 
> Meet me at the usual in 10 minutes, love.

Crowley looked up from his phone, smiling brightly. Interactions with his boyfriend always cheered him up immensely. They really were quite the pair. Even though Aziraphale was the head of a large tech company he had almost no knowledge of the trade or technology in general. It hadn’t been his choice of work after all. Once upon a time he had worked in his own quiet little bookshop. Although he had two siblings, who both were in the tech business, he had inherited the firm, with the name Heaven’s Gate, from his late father, who was a surprising tech genius and a bit of a religious nutter in Crowley’s opinion. I mean who calls their kid Aziraphale when their last name is already Seraph? So now the company is in Aziraphale’s hands and was doing very well surprisingly, even though their CEO had no clue about anything technical, that went beyond working on the taxes. He was surprisingly good at that. Sometimes even too good according to the tax office.

Crowley, himself, on the other had started working, funnily enough at Heaven’s Gate after he had graduated college. It hadn’t been a very good job, but it had paid the bills well enough at the time. After a while he had worked himself to the top but once he had started to question the working conditions for their lower-class workers his boss quickly fired him without a recommendation note or anything. He then decided, out of pure spite mostly, to just start his own business, called Hell’s Portal, which to his old firms dismay quickly grew and became one of the biggest tech companies in the nation, rivalling Heaven’s Gate’s success.

He grabbed his coat, shouted a quick “Going for a walk,” to his secretary, and left the building to meet Aziraphale. Their usual meeting spot had become a very secluded little café, called ‘New Eden’, that not many Londoners knew of it. They found it after just randomly walking around the city one evening, one year ago, and after testing it out the next day just stuck with it for their lunch dates. It had a wide arrange of good teas and served an excellent angel cake, one of Crowley’s favourite desserts. They even started serving devilled eggs after Aziraphale asked them once if they could possibly serve them the one time because he had developed a liking for them. One other important and alluring point of the little café was, that it didn’t have a lot of visitors really and since it was in a secluded little alley not many people stumbled into it, which helped with keeping their relationship from the press.

It wasn’t that they were embarrassed but even though it was 2019 there were still repercussions of being out, especially in the tech business. Also, it was just absolutely funny to Crowley to see the media make up various stories about their supposed rivalry when in reality he very much enjoyed Aziraphale’s company.

One would think that their ‘rivalry’ had a big story behind it, since the media had lapped it up so readily, but it really hadn’t. Aziraphale had just mentioned once in an interview that even though Crowley’s company was currently at the top, he was going to make sure his own would rival the other’s success and then it spiralled out of control. The Infernal Times, a gossip press more than anything, had picked it up first of course and invented a very lovely story in which one supposed employee of Crowley had heard him mutter that he would sue Seraph for all it’s worth, which had never happened but it got the ball rolling. After that a lot of tabloids had jumped onto the bandwagon and had tried to find more dirt between the two company heads. They had found out that the both of them had known each other when Crowley had worked at Heaven’s Gate and pulled out some old fundraiser photos. It had made a simple comment into a rivalry that had supposedly destroyed their budding friendship.

Crowley of course had found it utterly hilarious and had contacted Aziraphale at once, and after some profuse apologies on Aziraphale’s part, that had been totally unnecessary, had convinced the other to make the media believe their rivalry was real and absolutely on the destructive side. That made them talk to each other way more than before and after a short while Aziraphale had asked if Crowley wanted to go out for a date and the rest is history. So, they really had to thank the media for their relationship, but neither would admit to that.

After a short 5-minute walk Crowley arrived at New Eden and waited for his boyfriend. He didn’t have to wait long because a few minutes later Aziraphale appeared and when he spotted Crowley, he waived at him with a soft smile on his face. Once he reached the redhead, he gave him a quick kiss as greeting.

“Shall we go in then?”, Aziraphale asked and walked into the café with Crowley and sat down at their usual table.

A waitress appeared and took their order. An angel cake and earl grey for Aziraphale, even though they both knew Crowley would steal half of the cake, and a large coffee for Crowley.

“Coffee? Is the paperwork that bad?”

“Worse,” grumbled Crowley, “I worked on it all day and the pile hasn’t grown smaller at all. Might burn most of it once I get back, just out of spite”

Aziraphale chuckled softly. “Don’t be so dramatic, my dear. It will probably be over quicker than you think once you come back after lunch”

He put his hand on Crowley’s on the table but made space once their order arrived. They started to drink their respective beverages and Crowley stole a bite of the cake.

“You really should just order your own,” chastised Aziraphale but the soft smile on his face made it clear that he didn’t really mind, quite the opposite in fact.

They were almost finished with their drinks when Anathema, the owner of the little café and nowadays a good friend of them both, came over to them.

“Taking a work break I see,” she said and sat down on the empty chair on the table, “how are my two lovebirds doing? Still holding up the rivalry?”

This had become quite the regular occurrence for the three of them. Anathema didn’t understand why they would want to keep their relationship a secret, after all it was nothing bad, so she had decided to do the reasonable thing and tease them about it endlessly.

Aziraphale gave her a welcoming smile, “We’re doing fine, thank you.”

And yes, the ‘rivalry’ is still going strong as you can see”, interrupted Crowley and to prove his point gave his boyfriend a quick kiss, which made Aziraphale’s cheeks take on a lovely pink colour. In return he got a light slap on his arm, but it had been worth it in Crowley’s opinion. With a smirk he turned back to their visitor. “How’s Newt? Still ruining the computer system, I presume?”

That killed Anathema’s teasing smile instantly and she grimaced, “Sadly yeah. I really don’t understand why he wants to keep up with technology when he’s so absolutely inept at it”

Inept was the understatement of the century. Newt was absolutely fascinated with every aspect of technology. So, fascinated in fact that when Crowley and Aziraphale walked into their little café for the first time he almost fainted out of sheer excitement. He had then proceeded to ask holes into the pair until Anathema took pity in them and told Newt in clear terms that other guests were waiting for their orders too. The only problem for Newt was, even though he had a vast knowledge of computers and programming in theory, he never could do anything with it because the second he tried to work on a computer it, for some inexplicably reason crashed or something similar. Newt thought that somehow, he or one of his ancestors must have been cursed for eternity to be bad at anything technological.

“He has to get better eventually though, if he keeps on trying,” amends Aziraphale.

“Yeah Newt at least keeps trying instead of giving up and locking their phone in a different room because it wouldn’t stop ringing, like certain other people on this table,” Crowley teased, with a sidelong glance at his boyfriend.

“Really dear I told you I had put it on silent and it still wouldn’t stop with the noise and I wanted to enjoy Oscars’ writing, so I put it in my office. I certainly didn’t lock it in there.” Aziraphale had developed a slight literary crush on Oscar Wilde in his youth and calling him by his first name was something that stuck from that phase until now.

“Whatever you say Angel. Whatever you say”

“Sorry to interrupt your lovely bickering but I have to get back to work,” excused Anathema herself and after smiling at them again went back behind the counter to serve the next customer.

After she left Aziraphale looked at his watch and noticed that they already spent more than one hour in the café, “oh no, I’m sorry my dear but I really need to get back to the crash reports.”

“Yeah I need to go back to ignoring my paperwork too” Crowley answered, payed for their meal and walked out of the shop, “See you tonight. Yours or mine?”

“Mine. I had ordered a lovely new wine for us to try, last week, and it finally arrived,” and after a quick kiss they said their goodbyes and went back to their respective workplace.


	2. Schocking News!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale and Crowley find out something quite shocking to both of them.

It had been a very lazy Sunday for Aziraphale and Crowley. For once they had gotten their work done early on Saturday and could now really enjoy doing nothing for one day. Breakfast had been a small and late affair since they both had decided to sleep in, needing to catch up on some slumber after working hard for the whole week. After eating their eggs and toast they had decided to just lay a bit on the sofa, Aziraphale reading a book and Crowley, with his head in his boyfriend’s lap, dozing a little bit. That’s how they’ve stayed for a while until Crowley woke up again and got bored.

“Stop squirming, I can’t concentrate, and this bit is rather fascinating.” scolded Aziraphale while not even looking up from the book he was reading.

“But I’m bored,” came the whining answer and Crowley moved once again to get into a more comfortable position.

A soft clap, from a book being closed, could be heard and Aziraphale sighed. There was no way he could get any more reading done when his friend was in one of his moods, “Alright you win. Anything you want to do, dear?”

Crowley wiggled with his eyebrows suggestively, “I wouldn’t turn you down, if your offering that is,” he cackled after receiving a soft slap on the arm from his partner, “but I was thinking about going for a walk. The weather’s nice and we haven’t been to St. James in a while”

A soft kiss was his answer and Aziraphale managed to get untangled from Crowley’s limps and stood up, walking to their bedroom, “better get dressed then”

Crowley grinned, muttered “better get undressed you mean,” and followed the other.

After 1 ½ hours they finally managed to leave Crowley’s flat and made their way to the park.

* * *

Crowley had been right; it really was a nice day for a walk and Aziraphale enjoyed himself immensely. They’ve walked alongside for half an hour already and even made a quick stop to feed some ducks at the pond. The only thing that would make this more perfect was if he could hold Crowley’s hand but that would be far too obvious and ruin their rivalry image. He risked a glance to his friend but couldn’t read what he was thinking thanks to the other’s sunglasses.

“What do you think will the media make out of this? Us walking through the park, seemingly without fighting?”

“I don’t know. They’ll probably spin some story how one of us wanted to bury the hatchet or something dumb like that but that it didn’t work. They’ve done so before,” answered the redhead.

While they were talking, they walked past a newsstand, when Crowley suddenly stopped walking abruptly, standing there stiff as a board.

“What’s the matter, dear?” asked Aziraphale, and looked into the direction Crowley did. That was when he saw it.

_ **Did they lie to everyone? Rival CEOs in Love!** _

Underneath that headline were two pictures. The first was them holding hands and sharing a cake at New Eden. The second was of them kissing goodbye, taken through the window of the aforementioned café.

“What-,” but Aziraphale never got the chance to answer because Crowley rushed to the newsstand, grabbed one copy of the Infernal Times and started reading immediately. Aziraphale paid the shopkeeper absentmindedly and read along over the other’s shoulder.

_ **Did they lie to everyone? Rival CEOs in Love!** _

_ London based CEOs of Heaven’s Gate and Hell’s Portal, Aziraphale Seraph and Anthony J. Crowley, have had a long and ongoing rivalry, at least that is what general public and us, the media, had believed. Turns out they were all wrong. There has been something going on for a long time just not a rivalry. Quite the opposite in fact. Aziraphale Seraph and Anthony Crowley had been lovers for years! _

_ One might wonder how this could be when their apparent distaste for each other has been well documented by the press and seemed to be genuine. Our star reporter Hastur Hellson has managed to interview a close associate of both Seraph and Crowley. They have told him that “they just did it all for fun.” Apparently, Crowley knew Seraph from his time working at Heaven’s Gate and stroke up a friendship with the young son of his then boss. And when Seraph inherited his late father’s firm, they decided both companies needed a PR boost and made the rivalry up. “They’ve been doing it for years. It kept both companies in the press and they’ve had a right laugh about it.”, enclosed the associate, “It really is quite the master plan” _

Crowley angrily crumbled the Paper in his hand. The article went on for longer but both Crowley and Aziraphale had no need nor want to continue reading. Both were very much still in shock.

“H… How could they know?” Aziraphale’s voice was shaking slightly.

“Someone ratted us out” Crowley’s voice was cold and full of anger, “The only question is who.”

The shaking hand of Aziraphale gripped his friend’s, wanting to calm him down but also needing the reassurance that the other was there and they would get through this together. He felt an answering squeeze that conveyed not only understanding for his feelings but also the promise that they wouldn’t go through this without each other.

“Let’s get home and think about what to do now, Angel”

As they made their way back to Crowley’s flat, they felt the stare of every passer-by. Knowing they could have read the story already and know the truth of their deceit and relationship, just waiting to have a chance to judge them.

Despite their unease nothing happened until they reached Crowley’s neighbourhood.

Outside Crowley’s flat complex was a group of 3 teenagers, all sons of one of the neighbours. They were just joking around when they spotted the pair. Crowley and Aziraphale just wanted to pass them but they stepped into their way, “What you’re doing?”

“Get out of my way,” hissed Crowley and tried once again to pass them.

“You’re that businessman, right? The gay one from the papers today? This your boyfriend? Going up for a shag?” The teenagers snickered, finding themselves funnier than they actually were, as young boys had the tendency to do.

Aziraphale gave Crowley’s hand a squeeze and tried to pull him back a bit, when he noticed he had started to shake out of anger. “I don’t think that is any of your business. Now if you would be so kind as to let us pass. Thank you.” And Aziraphale shoved his way past the 3 boys, while pulling Crowley along. As they walked into the building, they could hear one of the kids mutter the word faggot, accompanied by youthful snickering, and Aziraphale cringed.

“Well that went down like a lead balloon,” muttered Crowley on their way into the flat.

“Hm? Oh yes rather”

They made their way to the living room and Crowley flopped down on his sofa, threw his sunglasses on the table before he covered his face with his hand and let out a long sigh. His whole body language was signalling distress and even though Aziraphale wasn’t feeling any better he felt the need to brighten his friends’ spirits. In typical British fashion he made his way into the kitchen to brew some tea, after all a nice cuppa would at least calm their nerves if nothing else. Once it had finished brewing, he returned to the living room with two cups. Crowley hadn’t moved an inch. The blonde sat down next to his boyfriend, filled both cups and gently pressed one cup into his partner’s hand.

Without a word Crowley lifted his hand from his face and after taking a sip of the tea looked down on the table.

“I’m sorry,” the guilt was clearly audible in his voice.

“Whatever for, my dear?”

“I convinced you to lie to the press. This is all my fault and I’m sorry. I really am. I never wanted this to happen, Angel” Crowley looked at Aziraphale, his eyes showing all of his guilt.

Tears were building in his eyes and he blinked angrily to not let them fall, he didn’t deserve to cry.

“Oh, my dear boy,” breathed Aziraphale. It pained him to see the other so full of hurt and misplaced guilt, “There is no need to apologize. It wasn’t your fault. Yes, it was your idea, but I agreed to do it. You didn’t force me, and I must admit I did enjoy leading the press on. It’s nothing more than an unfortunate situation and we will get through this. Together”

He stroked softly over Crowley’s cheeks and wiped away a stray tear that had escaped. Crowley threw his arms around his friend and hugged him, needing to feel his warmth and hold him close. Aziraphale let his hand stroke comfortingly over the other’s back and whispered assurances that everything will work out into his ear.

He wasn’t sure what would happen and quite frankly he too was worried. Worried about what his family would say once they found out. Worries about their companies. But most of all he was worried about them, the hardship they had to go through now because some idiot selling them to the news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally this chapter was a bit longer but it felt more natural to cut here so that's what I did. I think I can get the next one done by sunday, at least I hope I can.
> 
> Scream at me on my [tumblr](https://spaceytrash.tumblr.com) if you want.


	3. A Sibling's Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale's siblings confront him about the recent news.

They had stayed like this, hugging each other close and giving each other comfort until Aziraphale’s eyes felt heavier and he was about to fall asleep. Softly he manoeuvred them both into the bedroom and they both fell asleep the second their head hit the pillow. After all it had been a very exhausting day for the both of them.

Their slumber was rudely interrupted, not even 2 hours in, by the ringtone of Aziraphale’s mobile. The owner of said device groaned and turned towards the nightstand where the offending object was placed. Next to him he heard his boyfriend mumble to be silent and let him sleep. Still more asleep than awake he took his phone and accepted the call. “Aziraphale Seraph,” what he heard as an answer made him immediately sit up and become wide awake. After an affirmative sound that was more a pathetic croak than anything else, he hung up.

“Crowley get up!” he shouted and was already on his way out of the bed, to get dressed. 

“Zira?” Crowley mumbled tiredly while rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, “What’s going on?”

Aziraphale turned around, already fully dressed, and threw some of Crowley’s clothes onto the bed. “Get up and get dressed, you have to drive me home! Gabriel called, he and Uriel are on their way to my flat,” he explained sounding very agitated. “They’ve read the article,” he added in a more severe tone.

That made Crowley wake up and with a quiet “Shit,” he got dressed as quickly as possible.

Gabriel and Uriel are Aziraphale’s elder siblings, with Gabriel being the eldest. They’ve been the perfect children to their father, adopting his views on religion, politics and following in his shoes career wise. Both siblings had gone to a prestigious college in America, had gotten a technological degree and started working in big tech companies. Aziraphale had always felt a bit like the outsider in his family. His father had praised his older children, especially his firstborn son, repeatedly but never complimented his youngest achievements. It had gotten especially bad when said youngest hadn’t wanted to get a science degree but a literary one and instead of wanting to work in his father’s field had opened a simple bookshop.

Family dinners afterwards had been even colder and more condescending than before, at least for the youngest son. Aziraphale, once he had gotten his own home, had cut down the ties to his family to the minimum but even though he didn’t agree with the way his family was treating him he loved them and wasn’t ready to lose contact altogether. They were after all family and that had to mean something.

But the contact between the siblings had been even more strained after their father’s death because both Uriel and Gabriel couldn’t understand why their father had handed his company on to his youngest son, who arguably had no interest in being the head of a big tech firm. The will had stated that their father had hoped that in this way he could get Aziraphale back on the right track. Well the track he had thought was right for Aziraphale. Secretly both siblings harboured a not so small amount of jealousy and distaste for their youngest brother for getting the company.

Crowley had driven Aziraphale home in record time. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” he asked softly, silently very concerned about the confrontation the other surely will be facing.

“It would just make the situation worse. I’ll call you when they’re gone.” With a last kiss goodbye, that took longer than normal because both really didn’t want to part and face the world, Aziraphale was on his way to his flat.

* * *

He only had time to tidy the flat up a bit before his doorbell rang. Here it goes. Taking a deep breath and summoning all the courage he had he opened the door. “Hello Gabriel, Uriel”, he said in a tone that sounded warm but suggested otherwise. Gabriel and Uriel gave him a glance and went past him into his flat. All he could do was close the door after them and follow them into his living room. “Can I get you anything to drink?”

“Cut the crap Aziraphale, you know this isn’t a social visit,” retorted Uriel. Both of Aziraphale’s siblings stood next to each other, in the middle of his living room, building a united front. They were both wearing sharp business suits. Gabriel dressed in grey and Uriel in a warm beige tone.

“Care to explain what _ this _is?” Gabriel was holding up the news article.

Straight to the point then. Aziraphale felt himself straighten a bit by the tone his brother used. It was the same one he had always used when he had reprimanded him for doing something wrong as a child. “I think it’s quite clear, brother. I am in a relationship with Anthony Crowley.” He could have tried to lie his way out of this to save himself from the fight that was sure to come but he really wasn’t a good liar and he wasn’t ashamed of Crowley. Now that their deception had been caught, he could finally be out in the open. At least that was what he hoped.

Both Gabriel and Uriel were shocked for a moment. They hadn’t expected for Aziraphale to confirm it outright. “Do you know what you have done to this family with this? It’s a disgrace,” countered Uriel, her voice strained with held back anger and disgust. She was stepping forward, “It will not only have repercussions for you, but for all of us. Have you thought about that? No, you probably haven’t thought about this at all. In a relationship. I always knew you were the black sheep of the family, but this is the tip of the iceberg.”

Aziraphale stumbled a small step back. Of course, he had always known he was the outsider in the family in a way, but to hear his sister state it so clearly hurt. It hurt a lot actually. “I don’t see how this concerns you,” he mumbled, looking at the ground, not able to see the angry faces of his siblings any longer.

“You don’t see how this concerns us?” she snorted, “both mine and Gabriel’s reputation will suffer from this. As if it wasn’t bad enough that you had wanted to open a bookshop instead of working on something real and still got the company from Father. No, you’re gay as well and dating the competition of all people!”

He very much wanted to point out that he had in fact opened a bookshop and he had never wanted the company in the first place, but he couldn’t get a word out. His throat was suddenly feeling very dry and his eyes were starting to water. He had known they were jealous of his inheritance, how could he not when they had acted colder than ever after the will was announced but he had hoped they had gotten past it.

“Really Aziraphale, what were you thinking? Dating someone from the competition is one thing but dating a guy? Father would be disappointed. And that after he gave you another chance even after his death to prove yourself.” Gabriel shook his head, the disappointment and disgust clearly visible in his voice.

Aziraphale was looking everywhere but at his siblings, swallowing hard. The words had cut deep. He knew his father didn’t like him as much as Gabriel or Uriel, so he knew he had gotten another chance with the company. He had wanted his father’s love, always had. It was one of the main reasons, if not the main reason why he accepted the inheritance. He had wanted to prove he was worth something. Worth of his father’s and his families love. He had wanted to prove he was part of this family and someone they could be proud of.

“I… “, but he couldn’t get further before Uriel interrupted him.

“You should have seen the reactions of my co-workers. They’re pity was insufferable”

“Aziraphale do you want people to hate you? Is that what you want? Because they will. This isn’t something they just glance over like your English lit degree. They will shun and ostracize you,” Gabriel warned.

“But it’s who I am. I… I can’t change that,” argued Aziraphale, his voice hoarse from all the emotion.

Uriel harrumphed, “You can”

“Indeed, it is quite simple brother. All you have to do is keep this,” Gabriel thought about the right word, “indecency to yourself and never speak to Anthony Crowley again.”

It felt like all the air had escaped his body and he was unable to inhale any more. His heart was hammering in his chest and his mouth was dry like the desert. Never speaking to Crowley again. How could he do that? How? When Anthony had become the most important person in his life. When he had become someone, he couldn’t live without. There was a ringing sound in is ears and he couldn’t hear what Gabriel was saying to him. All he could hear was ‘_ never speak to Anthony Crowley again.’ _It was like an ongoing recording inside his head.

“Aziraphale are you listening?!” this send him out of his spiral and he looked at Gabriel with a desperate expression.

“I can’t do that… I love him,” he whispered, hoping against hope it would change their opinion.

“You love him?” Gabriel laughed but it was a joyless sound, “I’m sure you think you do but what you feel isn’t love, it’s stupidity.”

Gabriel was taking a step forward, put a hand on Aziraphale’s shoulder and continued in a softer tone, “You’re misguided but we can help you find your way again. Wouldn’t you want father to be proud of you? If you continue to be with this Crowley he’d turn over in his grave. You know he wanted you to prove yourself and that is why he handed the firm over to you. Do you really want to disrespect the trust father put in your hand for this fool?”

“He’s not a fool,” protested Aziraphale weakly. He was thinking over what his brother had said. His father would be disappointed if he’d knew and he had given Aziraphale the company after all these years of distrusting him with anything. It was his chance to gain the approval of his father even after his death in a way. But he loved Crowley, surely that meant more than the opinion of his father? Right?

“Think about what I said Aziraphale. You know what Father would want you to do.” Insisted Gabriel before he and Uriel turned to leave.

Now Aziraphale was alone with just his thoughts. He had loved his father and deep down craved the acceptance of not only him but his family. He would have shunned him if he would have known that Aziraphale was gay. Called him a disappointment and never spoke to him again. Disowned him. Just thinking about what if hurt something inside Aziraphale. He knew his family wasn’t perfect, but he still loved them deeply. Was the approval of his family worth more than the happiness he felt with Crowley? Then he thought back too the confrontation with the three teenagers. How they had not only treated him but also Crowley like something bad. Surely other people would react them same. Friends, colleagues and even business partners. Could he live with destroying the last thing his father had given him? Destroying Crowley’s company, for which reputation his friend had worked so very hard for?

He sat down on his sofa, feeling numb. He had made his decision. He took a deep breath, got his mobile out of his pocket and dialled Crowley’s number.

“Angel, how are you? Do you need me to come over?”

He didn’t even really hear Crowley’s questions. With a shaking voice and tears in his eyes he said, “Anthony, we need to talk.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout at me on my tumblr: [spaceytrash](https://spaceytrash.tumblr.com)


	4. Breaking Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley gets bad news but also fomulates a plan.

_ "Anthony, we need to talk“  _

Crowley gulped. Nothing good ever came from a sentence like that. What had happened during his family meeting? 

Crowley was getting really worried now for his friend. 

"What do you mean?" He whispered, the fear clearly audible in his voice. 

"I have thought about this. About us. And after the talk with my family something became clear to me. We can't continue this. It will only cause problems and I can't and will not be the reason that your hard work gets destroyed."

All the air in his lungs escaped him and his mouth felt dry like a desert. He couldn't believe his ears. Aziraphale couldn't have just said that, could he? It was some kind of prank. It had to be. Everything had been going well he couldn't just have suggested that they break up, right?

"W… What?" Crowley croaked, still trying to get his head around to what Aziraphale had said.

"You worked so hard to make your company successful and our tryst will ruin everything for you, and I can't let that happen." His voice sounded tearful, like he was seconds away from crying but was trying very hard not to.

Crowley wasn't feeling much better. His throat closed up and he could hardly breathe. There was a ringing in his ears and his eyes burned from holding back the tears. He couldn't let this happen. He couldn't let Aziraphale destroy the best thing he had ever had. They’ve ever had really.

"I don't care about my company. Aziraphale I love you," he made a short break.

They had never said it out loud. Sure, they both knew that they loved each other, at least he had thought so, but they had never admitted to it. Crowley loathed that it came out in a situation like this, if he was honest, he had wanted to tell the other after a romantic picnic or something, but hard times require hard measures and he couldn't let Aziraphale end their relationship because of some stupid reason. At least not without telling him how he really felt.

He continued: "I love you" this time the absolute certainty about the statement clearly audible in his voice.

There was a longer pause where both didn't know what to say and just Aziraphale's tearful breathing could be heard.

"Crowley…," he whispered, "please my dear don't make this any harder than it already is…"

"Don't do this. Angel please, I love you. I don't care what other people will think. Fuck them they're not important"

"I don’t think so. Please don’t contact me again. I’m sorry Crowley."

"Angel-," but Aziraphale had already hung up and only the disconnect tone could be heard. 

Crowley sat there shocked, not able to move, not even able to put the phone down. Aziraphale had broken up with him. He felt numb and like nothing was real and would ever be real again. This had to be some kind of bad dream. It couldn't be reality.

He slowly put his phone down and pinched himself in the arm. It hurt. No dream then. Crowley just sat there looking into nowhere. What had they told Aziraphale? How could they have convinced him to give up their relationship? His heart was hurting, and it felt like he was ripped in two. Like one half of him was missing. 

He slowly laid down on his sofa, pulling his feet towards him into a foetus like position. 

_ I'm sorry Crowley _

He felt tears slip down his face and a painful sob escaped him. He couldn't hold back any longer. Sob after sob tore through his throat. He pulled his hands over his head and tore at his hair. He wanted to hurt on the outside like he did on the inside. It was getting unbearable and it wouldn’t stop.

_ I'm sorry Crowley _

The sobs were getting stronger and stronger and more tears ran down his cheeks. He could barely breathe. It felt like a boa constrictor was around his throat and tried to squeeze every bit of air out of him. 

_ I'm sorry Crowley _

The words were echoing in his head like a never-ending mantra. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't move, he couldn't think. All he could do was cry like he never had before.

* * *

Crowley hadn't moved from his spot from the sofa for the rest of the day, crying until there were no more tears left to cry. Apathetic he stood up and moved from his sofa to his bedroom, ridding himself from all his clothing and lying down on his bed. He just looked up at his ceiling feeling numb. In his head he still heard Aziraphale's last sentence, before he had hung up, again and again. His eyes started to water again, and the tears slipped down his cheeks again and absorbed into his pillow. 

* * *

It had been three days since Aziraphale had broken up with Crowley and the redhead hadn't moved from his spot on his bed except to drink some water and use the toilet once or twice. His body felt grimy and disgusting but he didn't care. His heart was hurting, and he couldn't think of anything else but Aziraphale's last words.

What had happened to make Aziraphale give up their relationship?

Was it really just because he wanted to protect Crowley's company? But he didn't care about his stupid company! Not if it meant losing Aziraphale.

That stupid news article. If only they hadn't been found out. The news article! It had all started with that blasted paper!

If he could find out how their photos had been leaked, then he had a reason to call Aziraphale and maybe convince him to come back to him! Maybe that was all it took!

Crowley slowly sat up on his bed. 

Someone had ratted them out to the press, but the question was who. The photos had clearly been taken while they had been at New Eden. Probably from the inside, but he wasn’t sure. He would have to look at the pictures again.

Taking his phone from the nightstand, he looked up the article with the photos. They were indeed made from someone on the inside. But who could have done that? No one knew they went there. And he hadn’t noticed anyone out of the ordinary.

Then suddenly an idea struck in his head, one he didn’t want to believe. Didn’t even want to contemplate it really. The only people that were a constant in the little café and knew about Aziraphale and him were the shop owners, Anathema and Newt. But they had become friends to both him and Aziraphale, so it couldn’t be them, right? Crowley wanted to believe that, but he also knew, from personal experience that everything can be bought with enough money, even betrayal, especially betrayal.

There was only one way to find out, so Crowley slowly got up, his vision swimming a bit in front of his eyes due to not eating and drinking enough the last few days.

“Okay. First food, a shower and then I find out who is behind all this shit and get Zira back!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter kinda hurt to write. Poor Crowley. But at least he has a plan how to get Aziraphale back. 
> 
> Visit my tumblr if you want: [spaceytrash](https://spaceytrash.tumblr.com)


	5. Was it you?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley confronts Anathema and Newt about his suspicion.

Crowley was standing in front of New Eden smoking a cigarette and watching the two owners work. It was shortly before closing time and they were both wiping over the empty tables and cleaning up the coffee machine. He was waiting for the last guest to leave, to go inside.

The more he thought about the situation the more he was convinced it had to have been either Anathema or Newt who told The Sun about Aziraphale and him. They were the only people who knew about their relationship and that the whole rivalry had been a sham from the beginning. Also, both of them had had many opportunities to take these pictures, after all Crowley nor Aziraphale had really watched out for Anathema or Newt, thinking they wouldn't betray them. That they were their friends.

He had thought they were friends and that they would never betray them, but he had been wrong about friends before. And after all, enough money could buy anything, even loyalty.

Still even though he was angry he didn’t want to make a scene in front of any guests, after all there was still a smart part of his mind, who didn’t believe the shop owners had anything to do with it and were still on Crowley’s side. So, he waited for the last remaining guest of the day to leave and smoked his cigarette.

He had given up smoking after meeting Aziraphale but with everything that had happened in the last few days he had returned to the nicotine for comfort. It was a bad habit; he probably would regret later on but at the moment he really didn’t care.

Finally, after a few more minutes the last person stood up and left the café. Crowley finished his cigarette, grinding it out on the ground and went inside. The little bell on the door making a jingling sound, announcing him to the owners.

“Crowley! I was hoping you would come by soon. I was worried about you and Aziraphale after I saw the article!” exclaimed Anathema, the second Crowley had entered.

“Yeah right. As if you didn't know it would come out," he scoffed coldly. 

Newt turned towards his wife and his friend after hearing his tone.

Anathema looked a bit hurt but tried not to show it, "What do you mean?"

"You know what I'm talking about! You and Newt! The gall of you two. We trusted you!" He was getting worked up and he knew it, but he simply didn't care.

His anger was growing, and it wasn't just because of Anathema‘s eventual betrayal. All the emotions, all the anger he felt at Aziraphale's break up were finally coming out. "So, who was it then? You or was it Newt?!" He asked harshly, letting his cold gaze rest upon Newt.

Said shop owner was taking a step back against his will because of the anger Crowley radiated, never having been the most brave of people.

The other owner took a step forward, her face showing clear anger at Crowley's words, "You really think that we would tell anyone about you?"

"Who else?! How much were we worth? 500£? Even a 1000£? Personally, I hope it was more than that because I alone am worth more and I'd hate to see you get ripped off" he deadpanned, his fists clenching and unclenching at his side. He was getting more and more worked up and he cared less and less. All the stress and emotional turmoil of the last few days were becoming too much.

"Crowley if you don't stop now, I can't guarantee I won't hit you for being an absolute idiot!"

"Tell me, how did it feel to betray our trust? Did it give you two an important feeling?"

"Stop! We didn't tell the press and that you think we would at all is absolutely insulting!" Shouted Anathema, hoping to get it through Crowley's thick skull.

But Crowley didn't even listen, he had a ringing in his ears, and he felt like he couldn't stop his anger. He was seeing red and he knew it, but he simply didn’t care.

"Did it feel good? Was it fun to betray us? Do you even know what your act did? What you helped cause?" His voice started to waver, and his hands started to shake.

He had to look away because he felt tears starting to well up and he didn't want them to see, even though they couldn't because of his sunglasses.

"We didn't tell anyone Crowley," she took a step closer to him and saw the state he was in, "What's going on? What has happened?"

It was getting all too much. "Don't act like you care! If you did you wouldn't have told them!" He shouted, his voice breaking at the end. He couldn't hold it back anymore. His emotions were overflowing, and he couldn't hold them back. Tears slowly started falling down and he turned away. The fist at his sides shaking in earnest now.

"Oh Crowley," she breathed, slowly getting closer to him and enclosing him in a hug. 

Despite his anger he immediately hugged back and put his head in the crook of Anathema's neck, tears falling freely now. She rubbed his back and murmured soft nothings in his ear trying to calm him down. 

He cried for a few minutes until he gently pushed Anathema away, righting his sunglasses and looking away.

Embarrassment was clear on his face and he couldn't believe he had an outburst like that. It wasn't like he had truly believed that they had betrayed him, but he hadn’t been able to help himself, everything had become too much. And then he cried on her after accusing her. It was mortifying. He was such an idiot. No wonder Aziraphale didn’t want to be with him anymore.

"Crowley what happened?" Anathema inquired softly, breaking him out of his dark thoughts.

"He's gone." Crowley mumbled; his voice raspy from crying.

"Who is gone? Aziraphale?"

He could only nod.

"Oh", she gently pulled Crowley to a chair and made him sit down. "Let's get you warm hot chocolate and then you tell me what happened, alright?" She looked at Newt and told him to get the Chocolate with her eyes, which he promptly did.

And few minutes later he put the drink in front of Crowley and sat down on a free chair next to his wife.

Crowley took the mug in his hands letting the warmth seek into his skin, helping him calm his emotions. All the anger and sadness he had felt a few minutes ago had dissipated and he simply felt drained and empty. 

"So, now tell us what happened"

The redhead drank a small sip of his beverage and he looked into his mug. He didn't know where or how to start.

Anathema and Newt waited patiently for the other, knowing he would start eventually.

After a while Crowley quietly said, "We found out about it during a walk in the park. The headline was pretty much staring at us…" and Crowley slowly told them the whole story. Thankfully not crying again, even though his throat had closed up once he reached Aziraphale's phone call.

"Oh Crowley," Anathema hugged him again when he had finished, "I'm so sorry"

He hugged her back and muttered: "I'm sorry for going off like that. “

She shrugged it off, "It's alright, I understand,“ and after a short break she continued, "What are you going to do now? Have you tried calling him?"

Crowley shook his head. "No, he said not to contact him, so I won't, at least not before finding out who is responsible. He wouldn't talk to me before that anyways. He's made up his mind" 

"I'm sorry we can't help you, but I can't recall someone unusual or with a camera in here, although a phone is all it takes today." Newt mused. 

He nodded: "I was thinking about maybe hiring a private eye who could try to get more out of the press or something"

"It could work. There's no harm in trying," Anathema added, softly stroking over Crowley’s arm giving him some comfort. 

Crowley sighed and slowly stood up. "I should get going. I'm sorry again for earlier and thank you for listening"

"Anytime and everything will work itself out, believe me"

"I hope so. I truly hope so," and with a last nod to Anathema and Newt he left New Eden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it wasn't Anathema or Newt but hey Crowley was at least able to get some anger and pain off his chest. 
> 
> Come visit me on my tumblr [spaceytrash](https://spaceytrash.tumblr.com/) if you want.


	6. Private Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley hires some Private investigators and returns to his job.

After two days of staying at home and looking through various internet pages, Crowley finally found a private investigator that sounded perfect for his case. Their name was Shadwell & Tracy and they had very good connections to various news outlets, if their internet site could be believed. 

That is how he found himself in a huge building in which many different offices were located. He was currently on the second floor in front of the PI's doors. While taking a deep breath, to brace himself for the upcoming conversation, he knocked and went inside. What he saw made him stop for a second.

He hadn't expected for it to be so messy. Everywhere on the wall were maps of various places, newspaper clippings and some photographs. It was more than cluttered, if asked he would describe it as pure chaos. Another thing he hadn't expected was the very pink front desk, in which a middle-aged woman (more on the older side of middle aged in Crowley's honest opinion) with blonde hair was sitting and looking at him expectantly. 

He stopped himself from inspecting the room further and looked at her: "I'm Crowley. I made an appointment?"

"Ah right. I've been expecting you. Follow me," she said. Her voice friendly and chipper.

She directed him into a small room where another desk was. This desk was cluttered with things just like the main room. Behind the desk was a shaggy looking man, who was probably around 60 years old. He wore shabby brown coat over his jumper and shirt and didn't make the friendliest first impression. But Crowley wasn't here for friendliness, he was here because he needed results. 

"Sit down dear", said the woman and Crowley promptly did. "Oh my, where are my manners? I'm Madame Tracy and this is Sergeant Shadwell. I'll bring you both some tea, shall I? How do you take yours, dear?" And after telling her his preference she left to fetch them their tea. 

"You're Mr. Crowley I presume?", Shadwell asked but gave Crowley no time to reply other than with a nod: "So you need someone to dig around with the media, eh boy?"

Once again, he only had the chance to nod before he was interrupted again, this time by Madame Tracy coming back inside with their tea on a tray. After she put two teacups in front of Shadwell and Crowley, she sat down on the remaining chair in the office space and looked at Crowley.

"You came to the right place; we have lots of ties with various newspapers but before we get into that would you mind explaining to us what exactly happened and what you wish for us to do?" Tracy asked softly, knowing full well that most people who hire PI's aren't in a good mindset and most often than not were pretty much upset over what had happened or what they feared was happening. 

Crowley took a deep breath and then told them the story as unemotionally as he could, which he very much succeeded at and if he was close to tears again no one knew thanks to his sunglasses. 

"I am so sorry," said Tracy emphatically while Shadwell only scoffed. 

"We can find out who was behind the story or at the very least who told the press, but it will take some time and resources. Information like that doesn't come cheap," informed the older man.

Crowley shrugged, "Money is not an issue, just find out who did it and fast"

After receiving a nod, he stood up. "If that was all. You can contact me on this number," he put down one of his business cards and turned to leave after giving them a final nod. 

"We'll do our best and if he truly loves you, dear, it will all work out!" He heard Madame Tracy call after him, but he ignored her and walked out.

* * *

For week he hadn’t been to work, and he really needed to finally show his face in his company again and see if everything was still working, so Crowley went straight to his office building after meeting with Shadwell & Tracy. Not that he really wanted to, but he had to go back to work one day or another and he supposed it was like ripping off a Band-Aid, better to get it over with as quickly as possible.

Like it was every other day he went to the elevator to get to the top floor where his office was located. Once he arrived and got out of the lift, he could feel almost every eye turn towards him. He balled his hands and stood up a bit straighter.

“I’m back people. Naaaw don’t tell me you missed me. That is adorable. Anyways as you can see, I am back to get some work done and that’s what you should be doing now too.” He said with false cheeriness. Moving towards his office, he still felt like everyone was watching him, but he ignored it. He passed his secretary with a nod and got into his office, slipping into his desk chair and started looking through the paperwork he had missed.

Not 10 minutes later his secretary appeared inside his office with a cup of coffee. She had brown hair, was a bit on the smaller side and wore ripped up clothes. Her name was Elizabeth, but Crowley had started to call her Dagon, a deity worshipped for fertility, as a joke after she got twins a few years ago and it kind of stuck. (Crowley only knew about the deity Dagon because on a boring night he had read a book about it in Aziraphale’s old book shop).

“You should sue The Infernal Times for slander,” she said after putting his coffee down. Crowley couldn’t help but smirk. She never had been one for beating around the bush. Always the blunt one, his secretary.

“Wouldn’t accomplish anything, especially not since it’s true. … Well was true but that’s beside the point,” the last bit he only muttered quietly.

“Still you can’t just let them get away with this”, she argued.

He shrugged. “What can I do? They still have the right of freedom of speech even if I had wanted to revoke that right a million times.” He sighed and continued: “Let’s not talk about this I’ve come back to work, so tell me what happened while I was gone?”

“Well we had some resignations in the lower levels because apparently working for a well-paying firm with a gay CEO is unacceptable to some,” she sneered but continued more professional, “otherwise not much. The new app is still going well, and the rest is the usual. The paperwork on your desk needs to be signed asap but that’s it”

Crowley nodded, thanked her and got back to work after she left his office, but he couldn’t fully concentrate, his thoughts wandering back to Aziraphale and this stupid situation against his will.

Taking a sip of his coffee, he sighed frustrated. He needed to think of something else. He couldn’t talk to Aziraphale without finding out who sold them out to the press, so there was nothing he could do but wait. He opened another file and got back to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So someone is investigating how the photos got leaked and Crowley is back at his job.  
Next time we'll see how Aziraphale is handling all of this.


	7. Alone in Misery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the meantime Aziraphale is feeling miserable, even though he knew he had no right to feel as bad as he did.

_“Please don’t contact me again. I'm sorry Crowley.” _

Aziraphale put down the phone, his heart was beating far too fast, his hands were shaking, and he felt like he might me sick any second. Tears slowly started to fall down his cheeks, wetting his phone.

He let out a helpless breath. He couldn’t believe he had done that, but it had been the right thing, surely. It must be. He needed to save Crowley’s firm but also think about his father’s legacy. And he certainly wouldn’t appreciate his lifestyle choices. Of that Aziraphale was certain. If only it wouldn’t hurt so much. He felt stunned, hurt and so utterly alone. But it was his own fault, he knew.

Putting his hands over his eyes, he started crying for real. It just hurt so damn much. But it was the right thing to do. Must be, otherwise he wouldn’t know what to do. Probably break down even more.

He curled himself together on his sofa and tried to calm his beating heart and breathless sobs, but to no avail. His heart was breaking, and every bit of his soul was hurting but the worst thing was that he had no one else to blame but himself.

He laid there like that for a long time until he finally calmed down enough to stand up, brush his teeth and go to bed. Though sleep didn’t come like he wished it would, instead he was lying there thinking about the disastrous phone conversation, already regretting everything but knowing that it had needed to be done. That didn’t make it stop hurting though. A raw sob escaped from his throat and he started crying once again, until he finally fell into a fitful sleep out of exhaustion.

* * *

When the next morning arrived, his alarm woke him from his pitiful sleep, and he groaned. He had been tossing and turning all night, not getting even one hour of restful sleep. It was 6 am and he needed to get up to get to work, even though he really wished he could just stay in bed and suffer in his pain alone, but he couldn’t be tardy just because of his personal feelings. So he dragged himself out of bed, made himself some breakfast (With very strong tea), brushed his teeth, dressed and then went to work. He felt like he wasn’t inside his body, that someone else was controlling it and all he could do was watch beside it, like it was a dream and not a good one.

Once he reached his office building, which was thankfully empty thanks to Aziraphale arriving first as usual despite his horrible morning, he went to his personal office and sat down on his chair and let out a long and tired sigh. It was going to be a long day.

He tried to get through some of his paperwork but found that he couldn’t concentrate. The meaning of the words escaping him every time. After reading the same sentence for the 10th time he gave up and sat back in his chair, rubbing his tired eyes. The rest of his office was slowly filling with people and his secretary came to leave some new paperwork and his daily newspaper on his desk. It all just passed by Aziraphale. He felt so tired, but he knew even if he tried, he couldn’t go back to sleep. Not that he would while at work, mind. His heart was aching and all he could think about was how much he must have hurt Crowley.

Finally moving he sat up in his chair and with a sigh picked up the newspaper, flipping through it. Looking for a certain king of news. There it was. But it was just a small article about them, not even 5 sentences. That was good. His paper wasn’t tabloid press, so it wasn’t really surprising, but it was nice to see, nonetheless.

He looked at his new paperwork and with a dreadful feeling started to once again try to work through it. Though he hadn’t much more luck with it than before. His mind was constantly drifting off to a certain redhead. How did Anthony feel at the moment? Probably not good. That realization gave him a pang in his heart. Was he eating properly? Had he gone back to work or taken a ‘sick day’? All of this were things that went through his head before his sad musings got interrupted by his desk phone.

He shook his head shortly and picked it up, “Heaven’s Gate, Aziraphale Seraph speaking”

“Ah, Aziraphale. Finally. I couldn’t reach you on your mobile,” answered Gabriel, with his usual air of arrogance. The reason why his brother hadn’t been able to reach him was because Aziraphale had shut his phone off yesterday, because he hadn’t wanted to read any messages of Crowley and just couldn’t take the temptation of calling him.

“I shut if off. Why are you calling Gabriel?” He deadpanned, already feeling a headache coming up.

Gabriel made and indignant sound, “Have you cut all contacts with that Crowley yet?”

It made Aziraphale’s heart ache. He knew he had done the right thing, at least he hoped he had but it still hurt, especially when he got reminded of it by the cold voice of his brother’s.

“Yes,” it was all he was able to get out. His throat had closed up and he was close to tears, but he would be damned of he let that show while on the line with Gabriel.

“Good. I was thinking that maybe you should give a statement, that it is over and that it had been a foolish mistake in the first place. That way you could maybe save face a bit and get the company out of the negative light.”

Aziraphale’s heart started to beat faster and he wasn’t able to take in a real breath. Denouncing Crowley completely? He couldn’t do that. He had already hurt him enough. He couldn’t and he wouldn’t do that.

“But it was no mistake,” he croaked out, tears welling up but he closed his eyes so they couldn’t fall. If he started crying now, he wouldn’t be able to stop.

“You think so now, but believe me Aziraphale soon you will realize that what you felt wasn’t love and you will find a woman much better suited for you.”

Aziraphale didn’t know what to say. He knew Gabriel didn’t understand nor accept his sexual orientation but to hear it so clearly, especially in his already emotional state, hurt a lot. The hand that wasn’t holding the phone, formed a fist, which he unclenched and clenched repeatedly. He never wanted to throw something against a wall as badly as he wanted to do now.

“I won’t do that Gabriel. I love Crowley and I will never say that being with him was a mistake. I have already hurt him enough and I won’t lie,” he said, his tone had never been more serious. Before his brother could say anything more he hung up.

He was breathing hard and his heart felt like it would jump out of his chest any minute. Taking a calming breath, he closed his eyes for a second before he called his secretary over his intercom, “Deidre could you not let any more calls through? Thank you, dear.”

After that he slumped down defeatedly in his chair and let out a deep wavering breath. A single tear slipping down his face.

This week was getting worse and worse and he wished he could call Crowley and hear his voice. It had always helped him before, but he couldn’t. He never could again, and it was his own fault. Now more tears slipped down and he started to cry silently. Putting his hands over his face while he tried to calm down, but it took him a long time.

* * *

It had been two weeks since he last spoke to Crowley and he still felt absolutely miserable. It was ridiculous, after all he had made the decision to break up their relationship, so he really had no right to feel so sad.

All week he had gone to work like normally, but it felt like he was just going through the motions, not feeling like it was him who was actually doing it. He had barely gotten any work done, his thoughts constantly circling around Crowley and hoping he wouldn’t feel as bad as Aziraphale himself, but also slightly hoping he did, because that meant he loved Aziraphale as much as he loved Crowley. These thoughts made him feel even more horrible. How despicable was he that he sometimes wished Crowley felt miserable?

Aziraphale rubbed his eyes trying to concentrate on the book he was reading. He sighed after reading the same sentence the third time and decided it was a lost cause and put it down next to him on the sofa.

He picked up two newspapers instead, that had been lying on his coffee table instead. They were both from this week and had already been read. He looked through them looking for a certain article. The first one was from 5 days ago and it included a statement from Gabriel, that Aziraphale had cut all relations with Crowley and that it had all been a mistake.

When he had first seen the article, he had been livid and had called Gabriel but the other had just shrugged off every accusation and told Aziraphale that he would be grateful for it soon. And that was the end of their conversation, which hadn’t calmed his anger one bit. But after a day he just felt tired and a deep sense of resignation.

He put that newspaper aside and looked at the second one. It was from today and it had hurt far more than the first. The headline read:

**Hell's Portal's CEO Anthony Crowley dating again? From fellow male CEO to an older woman!**

Underneath was a photo of Crowley kissing the cheek of a slightly older looking woman. Both having a smile on their face.

Aziraphale had stared at the picture for a long time. His first reaction was anger, but that dissipated quickly. Deep in his heart he knew Anthony wouldn’t do that so soon and he had also recognized the tired lines in Crowley’s face. But seeing the picture without a warning had still hurt him a lot, even though he knew that he deserved every bit of pain he felt.

A shaky finger stroked over Crowley’s face on the picture. God, he really missed him. Aziraphale pressed the paper to his chest and slowly laid down. A single tear escaping down his cheeks, when he closed his eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Aziraphale isn't feeling that good either.  
hope you liked it though!
> 
> Until next time, where we finally get some investigating done.


	8. Investigations and Shocking News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madame Tracy and Shadwell are off to investigate Crowley's case and find out something shocking

Two weeks had come and passed since Crowley last spoke to Aziraphale and it hadn't been good two weeks. He still couldn't sleep properly, had eaten the bare minimum and still thought about Aziraphale during every minute of his day. 

He had met with Madame Tracy once 3 days ago in a coffee shop to talk about the investigation. They had a few leads and something that looked promising but nothing more. Honestly, he had been hoping for more and felt crushed but after talking with Tracy for a while, who was surprisingly witty, he had felt better and even a bit cheery. To be nice he had kissed her on the cheek while saying goodbye and apparently someone had taken a picture of it and send it to the papers. When he had seen the article, he had been properly pissed and was pretty close to calling Aziraphale to apologize for something he had no fault with but the promise to not contact him again had held him back. He just hoped Aziraphale knew it were all lies, and he didn't feel as bad as Crowley did. 

* * *

Madame Tracy and Sergeant Shadwell were sitting in a small fancy coffee. Their clothes, but especially Shadwell’s run down and old military coat, made them stand out from the crowd. In front of them was a dark skinned, very sleek but slightly disinterested looking man, in a dark grey suit.

“So Ligur, my dear, tell me how has work at The Infernal Times been treating you?” asked Madame Tracy cordially.

Ligur looked at her and scoffed: “We both know you don’t really care about that. So, what do you want to know today?”

Shadwell was on the verge to say something about respect to the young man, but Madame Tracy stopped him, with laying a hand on his arm and petting it softly.

“Dear, dear it’s okay after all he is right. Straight to the point then. I’m interested who gave you the information for one of your recent articles. The one about Anthony Crowley and Aziraphale Seraph”

“We had this conversation far too often Tracy, you know I can’t tell you that,” pointed Ligur out.

A low grumble was heard from Shadwell as he slid over a 50 Pound note. “Does this change your opinion, lad?” His gruff voice strained, they had done this game for years now and honestly, he was getting tired with it. Why not just tell them what they want to know and then get paid accordingly?

Ligur pocketed the note and answered: “Very much appreciated but you know that we take our informant secrecy very serious”

Another grumble from the older man was heard as he slid over another 50 Pound note.

“Alright. How can I say no to such persuasion,” smirked Ligur, and continued: “Be glad that I know the person who gave us the information personally or else I might not have remembered right off the bat. His name is Hastur Demonherre, but most people just call him Hastur. Just like you he is a private eye who has a big talent for especially seedy areas, not that it was needed in Crowley and Seraph’s case. An open café was quite stupid in my opinion but who am I to judge when they help my career so wonderfully?”

“So where might we find this Hastur?” asked Tracy in a friendly and chatty tone.

“Probably in some bar in the East End,” Ligur wrote something on his napkin and slid it over to Madame Tracy, “this might be a good starting point.”

On the paper was the address of a seedy bar in the East End and Tracy smiled when she looked up from it. “Thank you Ligur. Enjoy you afternoon,” and with that she and Shadwell stood up, paid for their tea and went out of the small café.

It had taken a short while to find the pub, Ligur had suggested, and a long stakeout until Hastur finally arrived. It was way past 10 pm and the crowd in front of the little pub was growing. One looking seedier and nastier than the other. Shadwell and Tracy got out of their small car and went inside the establishment, looking around to locate their competition and current informant.

The pub wasn’t very big and some rock music or other was playing quietly in the background. On one side there was a dart board, where a few muscle packed men tried to play a game despite being quite obviously drunk.

It was a pretty easy task, since they had found a photo of him on his website and he was loudly arguing with the bartender over the state of his lager. He had dirty blonde hair, wore a long beige, almost grey, trench coat and somehow looked very grimy overall. They went towards him, Tracy at his right and Shadwell to his left. Hastur looked at them both and grinned.

"Ah, the competition. What do you want from me?"

Shadwell huffed, appalled at the other's missing manners, even though he would have been exactly the same. 

"We heard you could give us some information," he answered gruffly and afterwards signalled to the bartender that he wanted a Guinness, which he got.

"And why should I just give you information? You know how it is. Giving out the identity of a client is a big no go," he smirked, knowing exactly what information they wanted. It had been one of his better jobs, if he did say so himself.

"Well but don't you want to make an exception for me and the Queen?" Tracy slid over four 50£ notes over to the other Private Investigator. Money usually helped a lot to make people talk even if it went against their convictions, not that she thought Hastur actually cared about the moral code of protecting your client’s identity. She knew he just wanted money and she hoped 200£ were enough or else they might get into trouble with Mr. Crowley because of their expenses. 

Laughing, Hastur pocketed the money and took a large sip of his beer.

"Alright, guess you convinced me," he shrugged, "I'm guessing you're here because of the stuff I told the press about that Crowley idiot and his dumb secret, or not so secret anymore, boyfriend Seraph?"

After seeing Madame Tracy nod, he continued, "Yeah, I sold them out, but I got the case from someone called Gabriel Seraph. Right stick in the ass that bastard. He’s Seraph's brother. Pretty funny that. Thought they would be a pretty tight-fisted bunch, like these rich idiots normally are, but then I wouldn't have pegged Crowley to be with someone like Seraph."

"Why did he pay you to observe his brother and leak personal information to the press?" Inquired Tracy. 

"Beats me. He just sprouted something about their father and injustices done to him and the company. That's all I know. Now let me get back to my beer," and he immediately took a large sip of his beverage, making it abundantly clear he had no interest in talking with them any further. 

Both Madame Tracy and Sergeant Shadwell saw that and left the bar. "Guess we finally have something to report back"

* * *

Crowley had been fighting with himself not to call Aziraphale when he got the call from his private investigators that they had found out who had been responsible for the leak to the press. Now he was sitting in their office, a hot tea in front of him, waiting for them to tell him the news.

“I’m skipping straight to the point. We found out who was behind the newspaper leak. His name is Hastur Demonherre and he is another Private Investigator, who was hired to spy on Mr. Seraph by his brother Gabriel Seraph. We don’t know why exactly and Hastur could only say that he mentioned something about their father and the company. Something about injustices done to him and or the company.” Tracy told him finally.

“Gabriel?” Crowley said, slightly shocked.

Sure, he knew Gabriel was a dick and didn’t particularly like Aziraphale, which if Aziraphale would be honest with himself was a mutual dislike. At least Crowley thought so, with how much his friend had complained about his family. It wasn’t like he didn’t think that Gabriel was enough of an asshole to spy on his brother just to get back to him, but he had hoped that their family bond had meant more to him than it apparently did. Anger was slowly creeping up inside him. How dare Gabriel spy on his brother and leak his private life into the public sphere and then play the caring big brother! Aziraphale didn’t even know that his fucking brother was behind all their suffering!

He abruptly stood up, his chair almost toppling over. “I’m sorry. I have to go.” Crowley mindlessly mumbled while already being halfway to the exit.

If asked later, he wouldn’t be able to say how he reached Aziraphale’s flat, but he had reached it in record time.

Crowley knocked on the door, his heart beating in his chest. The door opened after a short while and Aziraphale was standing in front of him. He looked tired and exhausted, dark circles under his eyes. It gave Crowley a slight pang in his heart.

“Please don’t close the door, I found out who leaked the photos and believe me, you need to hear this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we finally know who was behind everything. Big Surprise ... not xD


	9. Disbelieve and Shock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale finally finds out who was behind the leak.

“Please don’t close the door, I found out who leaked the photos and believe me, you need to hear this.”

Anthony was standing in front of him, dark bags under his eyes, like Aziraphale knew where mirrored under his own, but he looked nervous too. Like he knew whatever he was going to say would hurt someone. He couldn’t do anything but stare at the other for a while, his heart aching to touch, to kiss or hug him, just to see if he was real and really standing in front of him, not just a figment of his imagination. But he knew he couldn’t and that it probably wouldn’t be welcome.

“W… What?” he asked, perplexed, still in shock and desperately trying to get his sluggish mind to start working through the things Crowley had said and not just notice the deeper lines in his face and his hair being not a graciously styled as usual.

“I found out who leaked our relationship and you really need to hear this. Can I come it? I don’t want to say it out here in the hallway.”

All he could do was nod and step aside, to let Anthony in. once he was inside, he led him to the living room and he turned towards his boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend. “What do you mean with you know who did it?”

“I wanted to know who had leaked the pictures, so I hired some Private Investigators that had good ties to newspapers.”

That he thought it was one of the only ways to get Aziraphale to talk to him, he left unsaid.

“And after some days of investigation they finally found out who did it.”

Crowley stopped talking and looked at Aziraphale. He knew that next part would hurt him, after all he had always loved his family despite all the shit, they had put him through, Crowley knew, but he deserved to know what they really were. A bunch of assholes and not just for a short while, in his opinion.

Crowley looked at him with a nervous expression, which he hadn’t seen often on his face. It was unsettling. What had shaken Crowley so much that he let his nervousness show? Was it someone he or they knew that leaked the photos? Had it been Anathema or Newt? It didn’t seem likely, but Crowley’s expression made him think it was a possibility. Aziraphale started to fidget and got more nervous the longer Crowley stayed silent.

“Who was it?” Aziraphale asked timidly, fearing who it could have been to evoke such a reaction from his friend.

“This might be hard for you to hear but I promise I’m not lying. You have to believe me. I can give you the number of the PI’s I hired if you’re still unconvinced afterwards… but maybe we should make some tea first? Or I don’t know sit down?” Crowley knew he was rambling but couldn’t stop himself, he just didn’t want to see the disappointed and sad face Aziraphale would undoubtedly have once he told him the news.

“Just tell me who it was, please”

Crowley took a deep breath, steeling himself of what’s to come.

“Okay, listen I wish I could tell you something else, I really do. It was your brother Gabriel.”

Aziraphale just stared at Crowley. His heart started beating faster and a heavy feeling was sinking in his stomach like a stone, his hands starting to shake slightly. He couldn’t have heard correctly, could he? Gabriel had been the one to spy on them? It couldn’t be! When the news came out, he had been just as shocked and angry as Uriel! Surely, he would have acted differently if he had already known. And he had tried to help him in a way, hadn’t he? Why would he have done that if he had been behind the leak in the first place? What reason did he have to spy or try to hurt him at all? He was his brother. It didn’t make any sense.

“Gabriel? B… But how? Why?” was all Aziraphale could muster to ask.

“They said he hired another PI and told him that it had something to do with your father and the company but I don’t know anything more than that,” Crowley whispered softly, rubbing a hands up and down on Aziraphale’s arm to anchor and calm him down a bit. Slowly helping Aziraphale to sit down on the sofa.

Though Aziraphale didn’t really notice the gesture and let himself be guided, his mind still working through the news he had just received. He felt like he was drowning. His mind a jumble of thoughts. How could his brother do this to him? Why was he trying to hurt him? Crowley wasn’t lying, he knew him enough to know that he would never lie about something like this and he could hear it in the serious tone he had. But if it’s true why would his brother do that to him? What had he done to deserve such a treatment by his family?

What had Crowley said? Something about his father and the company. Was Gabriel jealous that he hadn’t gotten the firm and it went to Aziraphale instead? But he hadn’t even wanted it? He had been happy in his little bookshop with his first editions and more or less trying to sell some books. He had never wanted a company, especially not a tech company. He only accepted it because his father had wanted it, had been his last wish really, and he felt like he had to prove that he was worth of everything his father had hoped to be. That he was worthy of being part of the family. All he had wanted was to be loved by his father and be worthy of it, even after his death. Gabriel knew all that, after all it was one of the reasons why he had ended things with Anthony, despite how much it had hurt. Gabriel knew all of that, so why would he try to hurt him because of it? It didn’t make sense.

“Are you sure?” Aziraphale croaked, his voice hearse from his inner tumult, after minutes of silence, knowing full well that Crowley was but having to ask anyway.

“Afraid so,” answered Crowley, worried for his friend.

Aziraphale just nodded and stared into the distance. He knew that would be the answer, but he still couldn’t fathom why his brother would do that to him. But if it really was true, which apparently it was, it meant that Gabriel hadn’t been looking out for him after all. What else had he been lying about? Did that mean that all he said about him and Crowley, about why it was such a bad thing to be together, had been a lie too? That he should never have broken up with him?

He shook his head a bit to help get a clear thought. That didn’t matter for now. He could think about that, once he knew why Gabriel had done all this to him and there was only one way to find out.

Abruptly he stood up from his sofa, which gained him a worried glance from Crowley. He didn’t really notice it though, still trapped in his own thoughts.

“Angel, what are you-“ Crowley started but Aziraphale didn’t let him finish his sentence before he interjected, “I’m sorry my dear, but I really have to go”

And with that he was out of the door, hailed a cab and was on his way to his brother, leaving a confused and very worried friend behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I actually had planned to get this out yesterday, but I got a stupid cold over night and wasn't feeling up to it.  
I don't know why but this chap gave me some troubles while writing, but that could be because my brain didn't want to operate in English with this damn cold but hey I got it done, even if it took longer than I had planned.  
Anyway I'm already feeling much better and I'll stop my rambling now. 
> 
> Next time we finally get a confrontation between brothers.


	10. Confrontation and Realisations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale finally confronts Gabriel.

Aziraphale’s hands were shaking, while he knocked on his brother’s front door. His anger hadn’t calmed down at all and he couldn’t get around why Gabriel would do something like that to him. Why he would deliberately hurt him so much. As if he had wanted that stupid company. All he had wanted was the acceptance of his father, his family and nothing more, certainly not a damn company. The cosy little bookshop was all he had wanted from the beginning.

His musings were interrupted by his brother finally opening the door.

“Aziraphale? What are you doing here?”

Without giving an answer, he just walked in, not able to get a word out because of his anger.

“Come in, why don’t you,” he heard his bother mutter sarcastically, while closing the door.

Once he had reached the living room he turned around towards his brother, his eyes flashing full of righteous fury.

“I heard something very interesting, brother. Something that made me think about all the things I have done because of you and put in in perspective, really.”

Gabriel lifted one eyebrow and made an intrigued sound. Every bit of his body language saying that he is not interested or bothered at what Aziraphale had to say.

“I found out who leaked the story of Crowley and I to the press and I think you can imagine how I feel. Why did you do it? What have I done to you that it would justify this?”

The other’s face got a bit paler and he took a step backwards. He had never seen Aziraphale this furious. He had known, that he would be angry once he found out, but he hadn’t expected this amount of fury.

Before Gabriel was able to respond Aziraphale continued, all the anger he had repressed all these years finally coming out, “And not only that. No, you had the gall to come into my home and guilt me into thinking that it would be best to break up with Anthony! You preached to me about how bad it would be for the company and how disappointed father would have been in me and the worst thing is I believed you, because you are my brother and despite our strained relationship I thought you still had the best interest in mind. He was the best thing that happened to me in a long time and you convinced me to end it. And for what? For nothing! Because you were the reason it became and issue in the first place!”

“Now listen, I only wanted what’s best for you! Do you think our father would have liked your perversion? He gave you a second chance with the company, even though you didn’t deserve it! You have no idea about anything company related and yet he gave it to you!”

Aziraphale gulped and looked to the ground, not able to look into his brother’s eyes. The doubt in his mind resurging once again. Had he been wrong, and his brother had been right? His father wouldn’t have liked his relationship with Crowley, and it was his second chance with the company to gain the approval of his family.

“You know that he had planned to give the company to me before you opened your stupid little bookshop? I gave it my all. My whole time and work went into it and when father dies, I find out that he had changed his plan out of the blue and wrote it over to you! You, who never lifted a finger for the firm! I was supposed to get it, not you!”

There it was. The jealousy he had hidden since their father’s death.

“W…What?” Aziraphale stuttered. He had suspected as much but hearing it forthright from his brother was something else entirely. Gabriel had ruined the best thing he had ever had because of jealousy? Jealousy over the company he never actually had wanted? Aziraphale couldn’t believe it. His hands were shaking, once again, out of shock and anger and his mouth felt dry like a desert. He gulped a few times, trying to wet his throat again unsuccessfully.

“Oh, don’t be so naïve Zira. You can’t believe we were happy you got the firm instead of us. Instead of me! Uriel and I, but especially I worked hard for father and helped him in every way but who gets the company in the end? Goody two shoes Aziraphale, the black sheep of the family!”

“I… I never asked for it. I never wanted it!” stuttered Aziraphale, not knowing what else to say, while confronted with the painful truth. His mind was completely blank, and he wasn’t able to form a single thought. It was getting too much. It was all getting too much. His breathing quickened and it was getting hard to get air into his lungs.

“To think you got father’s company and did not only try to drive it into the ground but also sleep with the competition. With Anthony Crowley of all people! A man who not only had worked for father but also had a falling out with him! Father would be disgusted if he was still alive and I would have gotten the company, so of course I leaked your stupid photos to the press and made you break up! It’s what you deserved. You deserve that pain for taking the company away from me!” Gabriel’s face was getting redder and redder the angrier he got.

Aziraphale’s mind cleared for a minute, when he heard is brother insult Crowley. Suddenly something in him clicked and he felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Everything was aligning itself and he felt like he finally had a revelation he should have had years ago. What did It matter what his father thought of him? He was dead and even if he would be disgusted by his life choices, Aziraphale would never know now. The time with Anthony was the best time he had had, and he had been really happy for the first time, so what did it matter what his family thought of his relationship and his way of living? Wasn’t the most important thing that he was happy and loved? Which were both things he had been during his time with Anthony. A family should love him, no matter what and not base their love on regulations. They also shouldn’t betray his trust out of jealousy.

“Don’t talk about him! You don’t know him, not at all! He is the nicest and most lovable person I have ever known, and he is definitely ten times a better person than you could ever be! I have held parts of myself back for years out of fear of your reactions, shaped my way of living to your expectations out of fear that you would stop loving me, but you know what I realized? You never did in the first place, so why should care what you guys think? I shouldn’t, so thank you Gabriel for finally showing me what really matters.”

Aziraphale went to the door, opened it and then turned around to look at the shocked face of his brother, “And one last thing. Fuck you!”

He closed the door while stepping outside, on his face a big grin. He hadn’t cursed in years and right now it had felt kind of freeing. Not just the cursing, but finally telling his family what he thought who we was, without looking back. It was time to bring his life back in order.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more full chapter plus an epilogue to go.


	11. To Talking And New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale and Crowley finally talk about everything.

The moment Aziraphale had left the flat Crowley felt as alone as he had the days after the breakup. He knew the other was probably just on his way to confront his brother, but he couldn’t help but feel scare and even a bit rejected. If anyone accused him of being a romantic, he would vehemently deny it, but deep down he knew he actually was one. Sure, he knew all their problems wouldn’t be solved immediately but if he was honest with himself, he had hoped Aziraphale would forget about everything, kiss him and just run away with him forever after he had revealed who was the culprit behind the leak. It was a stupid and unreasonable image, Crowley knew that, but he still had hoped for it, nonetheless.

He started pacing around Aziraphale’s living room, wondering what his friend might face right now, hoping everything would be over soon and they could finally resolve everything. God how he had missed him.

Then a sudden unwanted thought intruded his head. What if Aziraphale still wouldn’t want him back? What if even though they knew now, who had leaked the photos Aziraphale still didn’t want to continue their relationship? What should he do then? Aziraphale had been the best thing he had ever had in his life and living without him was a daunting idea. Crowley took a shivering breath, sliding a trembling hand through his hair.

“If that’s the case then I just have to try to convince him otherwise,” he muttered to himself, still pacing the room and trying to give himself some hope. Now he was not only feeling sad but also very nervous. Aziraphale couldn’t come back soon enough.

* * *

Aziraphale took a deep breath, to steel himself for the conversation he was about to have and let himself into his flat. He spotted Crowley immediately. He was pacing through his living room, seemingly nervous. Seeing him so close again made his heart ache. He was truly beautiful, even in his agitated state. How could he have ever thought breaking up with him would be the right thing to do? That he was able to live without seeing him every day, waking up next to him and get greeted by his beautiful face? He had been such a fool. Bracing his shoulder’s, he went into the living room, where Crowley immediately turned towards him.

“Aziraphale! Where did you go? Are you okay?”

The obvious concern radiating off Crowley made Aziraphale feel even more guilty. How could he have hurt him? He had to put it right. He just hoped Crowley would understand and could maybe forgive him one day.

“I had a chat with Gabriel, thanks to your information. It was way past overdue and it made me realize something about my life and what I want from it. So, I guess we need to talk.”

Crowley’s face blanched a bit and he started to look a bit sick. Oh dear, he had already messed it up. Aziraphale took a step forward and was now in Crowley’s personal space. The other looked nervous of what was to come, so Aziraphale took his hand, on instinct trying to calm Crowley’s nerves. Which surprisingly worked to some extent.

“But first I wanted to apologize to you. I have been selfish and stupid; I realize that now and I am sincerely sorry about that. I should have talked to you instead of breaking up with you. And I especially apologize for not even having the courage to do it in person. That was cowardly of me and I shouldn’t have done it,” Aziraphale said, looking Crowley in the eyes and putting every bit of guilt and sincerity he felt about it in his words. He hoped the other knew how much he regretted his decision.

Crowley knew Aziraphale was sincere and that he truly meant the apology, but he felt anger rise in himself. All the whirlwind of feelings he had been feeling over the last weeks, manifesting in his anger. Aziraphale had put him through horrible days and never even explained why. Not properly at least. He just fucked off and let Crowley pick up the pieces of his own heart. Deep down he knew Aziraphale probably had been suffering too, hell he could see it clearly in his face, but he couldn’t think about that now. All he could think of was why? Why had he even broken off when he so regretted that decision? Why put them through all this misery?

“Yes, you should be sorry,” he scoffed, taking a step backwards, breaking their physical contact. Needing he space between them to ground himself to not get even angrier. “Do you know how much it hurt? How it broke my heart? You called and just broke up! You didn’t even let me ask what had happened! I was so worried, and you just hung up after breaking my heart into pieces!”

Crowley knew he was getting worked up, but he couldn’t help himself, the feelings he had been holding back the last few weeks finally getting too much and spilling out without any way of stopping them.

Aziraphale took a step backwards and looked away, guilt radiating off him, but Crowley ignored it.

“I just laid in my bed for days afterwards, racking my brain over why you would break up with me, over the phone no less, just like that? When you said you loved me!”

He was starting to tremble, and his eyes began to water. He tried to blink them away, but knew he was fighting a loosing battle. A few tears sliding down his cheeks.

“Why? What happened that you thought that was the only way? Just tell me why,” he asked quietly, his voice breaking. The inner turmoil he felt clearly audible.

Suddenly two arms embraced him, and he felt Aziraphale slowly hug him, stroking his back softly. It felt good to have him so close again, so he let him.

“I am sorry, my dear. I know I hurt you and I can never apologize enough. I will tell you everything I swear, but first you need to calm down. Take your time.”

He took a deep breath, Aziraphale’s scent of cinnamon and old books, calming him even though he was the reason for his upset. After a short while he had himself back under control.

Aziraphale slowly ended their embrace and took a step back, giving Crowley the space, he needed. “Let’s sit down and I will tell you everything.”

Crowley just nodded and sat down on the sofa, looking at the other and waiting for him to begin.

Aziraphale sat down next to Crowley, leaving space between them. He knew the other needed his personal space now, especially after having had an outburst like that. The gaze of Crowley weight heavily on him and he looked at him lap, not able to meet the other’s eyes when he started to tell him about the things Uriel and Gabriel had told him back when they had found out.

“First of all, I just want to say that this is not supposed to excuse my actions, what I did was horrible, and I really shouldn’t have done it but at that moment it felt like the only right thing to do. As you know Uriel and Gabriel came to visit me after they found out and of course we got into a big fight over it. I could see their disparagement and disappointment the minute they stepped into my flat. We argued and they mentioned that father gave me the company so I could prove myself to him even after his death. That I could finally become worthy of him, of the family, gain their acceptance and love. That I would disgrace his memory by sleeping with the competition, by sleeping with a man.

I know it’s stupid and I realize that nothing of that matters, that if my father loved me, he should accept me the way I am, and I shouldn’t try to be the person he wanted me to be but just be me. But in that moment, it seemed so logical, so right. That they were right, and I was being horrible to father’s memory, to my family and to you. That I would destroy your reputation and all the hard work you put into you company to get to where you are now. I didn’t want you to lose everything you worked so hard for and Gabriel made everything seem sensible at the time. I just believed it would be the best thing to break it off between us before any harm would come to your company, to you.

At least that’s what I told myself. But in the end, I was just selfish and afraid. Afraid of what we would have to face because of it, afraid of being the disappointment father always thought I was, afraid of loosing the last family I had and afraid of losing you in the end when you realize that it was my fault that your firm got fewer clients.”

Aziraphale had begun to cry while he had explained all his feelings, taking small uninterrupted breaks here and there.

“I am sorry. I truly am. What I did was cowardly and mean and I absolutely understand if you don’t want to be around me anymore. But Crowley, I truly love you. I have never loved anything, anyone, more in my entire life and I am truly sorry for hurting you so much. I realize now that I shouldn’t have let my family, my nervousness and fear rule over me and make decisions for me. Decisions I will regret for the rest of my life.”

Crowley listened to Aziraphale’s story intensively. His anger melting away and being replaced by empathy. Sure, he was still a bit angry, but it was hard not to feel bad for Aziraphale, especially when he so clearly regretted it all. His heart ached hearing him tell his side of the story with tears running down his face. He knew how hard Aziraphale had fought for his father’s and his family’s approval. How hard he still did and that it always had been a source of insecurity for the softer man.

Crowley softly put his hand under Aziraphale’s chin and gently forced the other to look at him. The tearful blue eyes full of guilt and regret.

“I can’t say that I’m not angry anymore, because I still am, but Aziraphale never doubt that I love you. I don’t care what anybody thinks or what it will do to my company, I love you and I will never stop loving you”

“Oh Crowley,” whispered Aziraphale, a slight shimmer of hope appearing in his eyes, “I truly am sorry. I love you so much and I never intended to hurt you”

Crowley shushed him with a finger on his lips. “I know and I forgive you. I understand now why you did it. I do. I know how much you wanted your father’s love and acceptance and I understand it, but what you did hurt, and I don’t know if I can go back to how we were immediately. I might need a bit of time to work through it. But I love you an I want us to be together, but it will need time”

Aziraphale gave him and understanding smile, “I understand. It’s more than enough for me to know that you understand why I did what I did. I want us to be together, but I know it will take time. I need to earn your trust again, I know. But I hope we can get through this. Together.”

Crowley answered him with a soft smile of his own. “Yes, together,” and then he gave Aziraphale a chaste kiss. Nothing big, just a soft meeting of their lips against each other for a few seconds, but it meant the world to both of them. It was a symbol that they would do everything to get back together and work through every issue they had. Together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally they've talked. It was way past overdue.  
Only an epilogue more to go, which I will post on sunday, if nothing gets between me and editing it until then.


	12. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a short little epilogue

A year has passed, since Aziraphale and Crowley had been outed by the press, broke up and after many misery filled nights finally got back together. It hadn’t been an easy year, but after weeks of small but proper dates out in the open, slow nights filled with nothing but talking and visits to a couples therapist, who really helped them (especially Aziraphale) to get their issues and insecurities out in the open and work through them, they had properly gotten back together. Both had never been happier about a decision in their life.

Now the two of them were standing in front of a small cottage in the South Downs. It was located in a small and quite village, just slightly off the beaten path. It had a big backyard, which was ready to be filled with flowers and trees.

Aziraphale made a happy sigh, “I can’t believe we finally move in together. It truly is a beautiful and almost magical place”

“I can’t believe you convinced me to move into the middle of nowhere,” Crowley countered, but deep down was feeling the same amount of happiness Aziraphale was. It was truly incredible how much had changed for them in the span of a year.

Aziraphale had quit his job as CEO at him firm and sold it, to someone who wasn’t his brother or sister and knew what to do with a tech company. Soon he was hoping to open another bookshop, this time not in the middle of Soho but in this quiet and serene village they now called their home.

Crowley was still CEO at his own company but took a step back, hired someone for the day to day business and only had to come in when important decisions had to be made or at certain events. Spending his free time with Aziraphale and caring about his plants. He had never been more relaxed and happier in his life.

Aziraphale smiled up at Crowley, his eyes shining with the love he felt, “You love it and you know it.”

“I do.” He grinned and gave his partner a chaste kiss, “C’mon I’m not gonna carry all the boxes inside myself.”

Once they had finally moved all their boxes inside, Crowley threw himself on the sofa, letting out an exhausted sigh. He had forgotten how tiresome moving could be.

With a smile, Aziraphale put a glass of red wine into Crowley’s hand and sat down next to him, giving him a soft peck on the cheek.

“I can’t wait to spend the rest of our days here together.” And he grasped Crowley’s free hand, playing with the ring on his finger.

Aziraphale had asked Crowley to marry him a month ago. He had planned out a very nice evening, but the second Crowley had gotten home from work that day, just telling him how it was, he had been overcome with such love and gratitude, that he had just blurted out the question. Crowley had been shocked and was speechless for a few minutes, which had been some of the most excruciating moments of Aziraphale’s life, but eventually regained his wits and said yes.

They had announced their engagement in the Infernal Times, as a small fuck you to the press who had outed them against their will, but this time it hadn’t ended with a scandal.

“Me too. I love you Angel.”

“I love you too, my dear boy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank god for timezones because that means somewhere it's still sunday and I can claim I uploaded this on a sunday like I promised xD
> 
> Can't believe I now have actually finished a multichapter fic. Never did that before (at least all my multichap fics from when I was 12 and first started to write fic were unfinished lol)  
Hope you liked it!  
And a very big thank you to all the people who have read this, bookmarked, gave kudos and commented. You really made this very enjoyable and I can't thank you enough. 
> 
> I might not be completely finished with this universe, because I still have some oneshot ideas for it. Especially about their time before the story began but I don't know when or if these oneshots will get written. Kinda want to concentrate on my new multific idea but I might write on them from time to time, we'll see.


End file.
